I have noticed as of late that social media and certain internet games are taking on a dating site quality. Now, I am not against dating sites nor am I against making new friends, but I must say that I am starting to get a bit squirrelly every time I see a new friend or game request. Flattery is nice, but most of the conversations are the same…

New Request: Hi

Me: Hello

NR: How are you?

Me: I am fine. You?

NR: I am good. I just have to ask, “Are you single?” “I mean I think you are beautiful, there is no way you can be single.”

Me: “Yes I am”

NR: “Boyfriend?”

Me: “No”

NR: “Well, how old are you?, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Me: “I am 56”.

NR: “WOW, No way”. ( or some variation of that phrase)

And the conversation continues for a few moments. And invariably it leads to sex talk or an attempt to wrangle an invitation for a face to face visit.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a prude and I do not mind making new friends, in fact, I am very social….but what I don’t like is inane chatter designed to feel me out on as to whether or not I am in the market for a BF or an FWB.

If the only place these inquiries turned up was Facebook, well I might be willing to overlook it since it is a social media site. But here is where I am drawing the line.

Words with Friends: for those of you out there that have no idea what this is..it is a game like Scrabble. You can play the computer or you can play another human. The game is fun and like most games it has a chat feature. It does make it interesting when you are involved in a particularly competitive game and you can talk trash  your opponent. Here is where my problem arises….since when did this game become a dating/pick up app? I have been playing games when all of the sudden here comes a message. “How are you?” And then the 3rd degree starts: ” I like your picture”, “Are you single?”, “Send me a pic”, ” Can I get your phone number?” All I can think of is “I just wanted some intelligent competition” and instead I feel like someone has a checklist in front of them and this is future date interview. No…No …No….I just want to play a word game with you…that is it…nothing else. Go hit Match.com or Star Trek dating if you are looking to hook up. It is not happening on Words with Friends. I am willing to engage in a battle of the wits not a battle of the sexes.

LinkedIn: Ok this one really caught me by surprise. Once again, if you don’t know…LinkedIn is a career site. You can join and then add your contacts and then add their contacts and basically you build a network of professionals. This site works well if you are job hunting or wanting to see what is out there in the way of professional articles or trends. And since, in some circles, it is considered a social media app….it too has a chat feature. This allows you to tell people in your network congratulations on a work anniversary or a job promotion or even message about jobs. But, once again, apparently this is now a dating site. I open my app one day and see that I have some notifications. Ok…this might be a good thing, I have been looking to change careers and maybe locale. Anyway, the first couple were normal…jobs available and a friend with a work anniversary…but the last one was a message…from a man…wanting to know if I would like to chat. Really, unless you are chatting with me about a job or career move, there is nothing for us to “chat” about. Once again, did I overlook the clause that said this was also a dating site?

It seems like everything is a hookup/dating site.  What happened to people just having a conversation?  Getting to know each other?  Not asking for suggestive pictures after the first message?  I mean, I am pretty worn out on the whole mess.  I am pretty gun shy every time I get a text message because I pretty much know what is coming and I just want to sigh and tell them to get a life!

What has spurred this anything/anywhere dating thing?  I mean are we just so desperate that we will try hook ups anywhere? I don’t know.  I do put some of the blame on social media and this instant gratification world that we live in. There is the idea that we can throw 50 lines out there and one is bound to take the bait. And if not, we throw out 50 more.  I had a friend that winked so much on Match.com that he used to say he was the reason they instituted a wink limit.  We live in an age that tells us that we aren’t supposed to be monogamous, that marriage is passe’, and that being promiscuous is okay because it is just sex.  We throw the love word around so much that it has lost its meaning.  We love that car, that purse, that house…that man/woman. There is no way that love can still mean the same thing after being watered down.  We send naked pictures of ourselves without a second thought and don’t understand we are cheapening ourselves with each picture by showing our body like it was up for sale.  We engage in sex talk almost from the start and, if you are like me, that gets boring very fast. There is no mystery; no discovering the layers for ourselves.  And if you send the pic for one they figure you have sent pictures to everyone. The sex talk is easy. Real conversation; that is hard and that is why people don’t want to engage.

Where all this is going to end is anybody’s guess. But I find it interesting that since the rise of social media and online dating that we also have a rise in shows such as “Catfish”, “Couples Court”, “Divorce Court”, “Paternity Court” and a host of others designed to tackle this new breed of so called relationships.  It is really very sad.  The old fashioned days of courting, talking on the phone, writing love letters, and getting flowers when your date showed up have given way to hook ups, honking the horn to pick up a date, and no sweet talk.

I am a bit old fashioned myself and miss those days.  I would give anything to get the love letter again, the phone call that lasted 8 hours, and getting excited waiting for my date to show up at the door.

#eternalromantic